What Do I Do Now???

So… I’m in a bit of a dilemma here.

We’re behind on almost everything, but getting caught up. Problem is, we no longer have cable, Internet or phone.

TV… I could care less about that. But I am really missing the Internet and phone, especially the phone.

If you are wondering how it is that I am able to blog… I pick up a very weak unsecured connection from somewhere in the building I live in… one of my neighbors. It works well enough… when it actually works… for me to deal with my email, post a blog, basic Facebook stuff (but no games)… just the basics really. No streaming music or video. But, it’s enough for a temporary fix, I guess.

The thing I miss the most is a phone. It was my main connection to family and friends and it’s gone now. And it’s one thing I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get back. I can’t get a landline because of a bill my ex racked up years ago that I haven’t been able to pay down fast enough to get ahead of all the additional fees other than the actual bill. Basically, I’d just be paying finance charges. So… I gave up on ever getting another landline through Alltel. I used to have a cell phone and I was always able to pay my bills on time and everything was great until I let someone talk me into dropping my service through Boost and getting a family plan with them. It sounded like a good deal at the time, but it’s been a nightmare for almost two years. Again, I have no problem keeping up and paying my share… they have been the unluckiest people with that though. Every few months, they would have to switch to another carrier and get new phones because, for one reason or another, they’re portion of the bill wasn’t paid and the service was shut off. Every few months for almost two years. It’s so frustrating!

Anyway, I really do need to get another phone and plan of my own and I have no problem covering $60 a month for an unlimited plan. My problem is that I can’t afford the $200 or so it would take to buy the new phone and the first month of service together all at the same time.

I have a very tight budget based on my Social Security income… I don’t have much, if anything, left over at the end of the month. It would take me awhile to save up for the phone, but the thing is… just when I’d have some saved,,, something will come up, it always does, and I’ll have to use that money I’ve saved to cover it.

It’s times like this I really do wish there were such a thing a Fairy Godmothers…

I really do miss talking with my mom, my sister, my best friends…

So what do I do?

Everything Leaves A Trace…

This is the #1 law of the Internet:

Everything you do on the Internet leaves a trace… a trail… that anyone can find at a later date.

It is irrefutable, indisputable, undeniable, and easily provable.

Don’t believe me?

Try Googling your own name and/or the email addresses you have used. I’m absolutely certain that some of the things you find will surprise you.


I’ve Learned…

I’ve learned…

no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I’ve learned…
you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I’ve learned…

making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life’.

I’ve learned…

life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I’ve learned…

you shouldn’t go through life with catcher’s mitts on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I’ve learned…

if you pursue happiness, it will elude you But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I’ve learned…

whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I’ve learned…

even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

I’ve learned…

every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch — holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned…

I still have a lot to learn.

*Blogger’s Note: I have no idea who wrote this or why… but it moved me, so I decided to share it here.

You Make Me Feel

It’s been a long day, going into one of those nights
I don’t want to know from anything
I’d like to crawl inside myself and turn the it all off

Instead I slide the disc in
Hit play and wait
No hesitation, no patience

The music fills the room, and I start
To relax and drift away
And soon, there’s a smile

And then there are tears

And then I am dancing

And then I am laughing

And then the tears come again

And I don’t know how you do it
But I’m grateful that you do

When the pressure from the weight of the world
Gets to be too much and I slowly go numb
I turn to you because you make me feel

I feel hurt, I feel pain, I feel anger,
I feel silly, I feel sorrow, I feel joy
I feel passion, I feel love, I feel renewed

Most of all…

I feel alive!

Copyright 2011 Michelle D. Wampole

Thank you, from my heart, for being some of the best therapy money didn’t have to buy.

Things I’ve Learned…

The last five years have been a bit of a roller coaster ride when it comes to online friendships.
In turns it has been fun, educational, uplifting, frightening, disheartening, devastating and back again,
Here are some things I have learned. Who knows? They might help someone out there avoid some of the pitfalls I have run into.

1. Don’t ever give anyone you only know from online total trust unless they are able to prove they deserve it (very few will ever be able to).
2. If something feels wrong… it is! ALWAYS trust your instincts.
3. If your friendship requires a go-between/middle man for communication… it’s not a friendship. Let it go.
4. If you have a question or a concern about a friend, go directly to the source… don’t ask someone else.
5. Don’t believe that everyone you know online always has your best interests at heart, even when they say they do.
6. NEVER trust “but I’m the only one you can trust”.
7. A friend who is truly loyal and trustworthy and will back you come hell or high water, doesn’t need to constantly remind you of it. They already know you’re well aware of it because they’ve proven it.
8. If you have a friend who does need to keep reminding you how great a friend they are… find out what they’re saying about you when your back is turned, so to speak. And be prepared for fallout from others if you decide to keep them as friends. 10 to 1, they’re reminding you how great they are to divert attention from the fact that they’re running you down to everyone else.
9. Trust yourself before you trust anyone else. Follow your heart… it will very seldom steer you wrong.

I let the wrong people interfere with friendships I had with others. I’ve lost a lot of friends I truly cared about because of it and I hurt a lot of people I care about because of it.
With any luck, I may be able to recover and start over with some of those friends. There are others I know I will never get back.
The only person I can blame in this is myself. I let the wrong people influence me. I trusted them. I decided I was going to listen even when something inside me was telling me something was off. That was my mistake and no one else’s.

Just be careful out there in World Wide Web.

Another Sleepless Night

Thought racing
taunting… condemning
Ever reminding me of past wrongs I’ve done

Can I ever make it up
to those I have hurt
My thoughts say no… and they’ll never forgive

Give up, they tell me
Forget about all about it
Because they don’t care and never will

But I care
I was foolish and hurt people I love
And I need them to know I’m so sorry

If they could give me one last chance
If they can forgive my human errors
If they could only see how much I hurt, too

I’ll never make the same mistakes again
I’ll be a better friend, better person than I was
I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right

Maybe, if I know I have that chance
Maybe, if I know I can be forgiven
I won’t another sleepless night