My Thoughts…

I’ve been thinking a lot… taking in comments from both sides, both praise and criticism… and the thing that I find most disheartening in all of this is that the very people who taught me acceptance for all human beings regardless of who/what they are… the ones who taught me to live by “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”… the ones who taught me Christian values… are the very people who say how wrong I and everyone else in the LGBTQ community are over something we did not choose, but how we were born.

I did not ask for scorn, ridicule, judgment and outright hate from others. All I want is to love and be loved just like everyone else. And when I do fall in love with someone. I want to be able to marry them, to commit myself to them for the rest of my life. If they’re ill or injured, I want to be able to visit them in a hospital and help make medical decisions for them, like any other spouse would be able to. Share an insurance plan, like any other family can. Share a life and a home, and be assured if. God forbid, tragedy struck, I’d still be able to keep that home were the person I love suddenly gone.

The thing that bothers me the most… all of this is done in the name of Christianity.

And don’t throw that old Sodom and Gomorrah story at me again. First of all, forced rape does not equal homosexuality. Rape is not an act of sex. It is an act of violence, of degradation, and of power and control over someone else and it has nothing to do with sex. But, even that isn’t what is said to be the sin of Sodom in Ezekiel (16:49)

“Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.” KJV

“Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” NIV

The great sin of Sodom and the reason it was destroyed was inhospitality/indifference to the need of others/showing no kindness or mercy, not homosexuality. And isn’t that ironic???

As for Leviticus 18:22 – In the original Hebrew: V’et zachar lo tishkav mishk’vey eeshah toeyvah hee. 
Translation of the first part: And with a male you shall not lay lyings of a woman…  Which doesn’t make a lot of sense. And the second part isn’t totally agreed upon by scholars. Can be abomination, or grievous, or detestable… or all of the above. But somehow, it has been translated and re-translated to the point where “homosexuality is an abomination”.

But if you look at all the verses around Leviticus 18:22 it is between a bunch of verses referring to idolatry and the ritual practices of idolatry. If that is the case, isn’t it likely that verse 22 also has to do with the ritual practice of having homosexual sex before an idol in a Temple not all homosexual acts as a whole?

Well, it’s not like any moral, righteous Christian would pay any attention to what I say or what I have studied. After all, I am an immoral, sinful Bisexual that God hates and I’m going to burn in Hell for all eternity.

But tell me this… if God is infallible, if He does not make mistakes (and I believe He is and doesn’t)… then explain to me why homosexual behavior has been found in more than 1500 species (excluding species that are asexual or hermaphroditic, in which homosexuality is not an issue)? And those are just the ones studied so far. If homosexuality is truly wrong, and God is the author and creator of all life… why would He create so many beings with same-sex attraction built into their genetic code, whether it be homosexual or bisexual?

I struggled most of my life with how I was born. I went through decades of self-loathing, denial, and hiding. I cried out to God to make me straight more times than I can count. I could drown in the number of tears I have cried while trying to be “normal” and a “good Christian”, all the while knowing that I was different. I studied the Bible and prayed and studied and prayed some more… Please God… change me. 

And nothing about me ever changed.

I believe that God knows everything. that He hears every prayer. And I believe He answers them, we just have to learn to listen. Well, I finally heard what He had been trying to tell me. “Why do you assume there’s been a mistake. I don’t make mistakes. You are as I created you.”

No. God does not make mistakes… I am not a mistake or wrong in being who God created me to be.

Sometimes, I think Mohandas K. Gandhi had it right: “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Jesus didn’t suffer and die on that cross just for Christians. He didn’t suffer and die on that cross for everyone but homosexuals. He isn’t about the exclusion of anyone. He’s about loving and accepting everyone and hoping they will accept Him and the gift of Salvation.

Honestly, I’m pretty sure Jesus is disappointed in the fact that people so effectively exclude others, practice bigotry and outright hate in His name.

Oh, and to those who told me, when I came out last year, that they would “pray for my salvation”… Keep your prayers. I’ve prayed for my own salvation and it’s between me and God.